


bombs on monday

by eerilyirwin



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: 5 Seconds of Summer - Freeform, 5SOS - Freeform, Character Death, Cheating, Dom Luke, Drug Dealing, Drug Use, Flashbacks, Fluff and Smut, Graphic Description of Corpses, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Lashton - Freeform, Lashton Hemwin, Lowercase, M/M, Mashton, Power Bottom Ashton, Violence, side malum??, side mashton
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-08-31 02:05:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8559118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eerilyirwin/pseuds/eerilyirwin
Summary: "bombs are fallingon monday morning,you make moments last forever"-monday june 11th, 2017the day ashton irwin's whole world fell apart(inspired by the song bombs on monday by melanie martinez)





	1. introduction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hello, so i've been listening to a lot of melanie martinez and i listened to her song bombs on monday and i've fell in love with it and got inspired to write a little fanfic based off it kinda. i say kinda because the song isn't exactly the same as what this story is about, but you get the picture. if you haven't listened to the song, i highly recommend that you do for the sake of the story (also its a really great song)
> 
> -lowercase intended
> 
> -slow updates
> 
> -slight triggering
> 
> -use of drugs and alcohol
> 
> -sexual content
> 
> -graphic/gory detail
> 
> don't read if you are uncomfortable with any of the things mentioned above, otherwise, i hope you enjoy.

**june 11th, 2017**

_beep beep. beep beep._

ashton woke up to the sound of his alarm. it was 7am. usually he never gets up that early, but today was a special day. it was his and luke's 5 year anniversary since the first time they met. most couples would celebrate the day when they first got together, but luke and ashton weren't like most couples. the day they first laid eyes on each other was magical, love at first sight even.

~5 years ago~

_"- so then she told me to get out before she called the cops, what a slut." derek, ashton's best friend at the time, finished his story and laughed._

_ashton rolled his eyes, he hated hearing all the stupid stories derek told him, especially the ones where he mistreats his little 'hookups.' ashton continued walking and looked down to get his phone out of his pocket, not looking where he was going and accidentally bumped into someone, making them drop the items they were holding._

_ashton dropped to the floor along with the kid and began frantically picking up his items. "fuck, i'm so sorry, i-"_

_"what the fuck, dude?" derek exclaimed. "why are you apologizing, it was this little shit who ran into you."_

_the kid looked up at derek and his eyes widened with fear as he began to stutter. "i-i-uh, i'm-"_

_derek slapped the books he had previously picked up out of his hand, "you have a problem, bitch?"_

_"derek, just fucking leave him alone!" ashton screamed, annoyed by his friend being a douche._

_"whatever, if you're gonna stickup for some loser, then you aren't worth it." and with a roll of his eyes, he walked away._

_"asshole..." ashton scoffed under his breath, the kid snickering a bit. ashton looked up and meet with a pair of breathtaking blue eyes. the boy was about his age, he had a messy blonde fringe covering his acne covered forehead, but ashton thought he was beautiful._

_ashton snapped from his thoughts, "uh, a-are you okay?"_

_the boy nodded as he stood up with his books in his hands, "yeah, sorry for bumping into you." he mumbled._

_ashton stood up as well and handed his a book he had missed, "no its fine really, sorry for making you drop your books. i'm ashton."_

_"luke," the boy smiled as they walked down the hallway together, keeping the never ending conversation going._

_~_

it was cheesy and cliché how they met, but it was romantic in their own way. ashton yawned and stretched before sitting up on the couch, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"morning, sleeping beauty." ashton turned to see his best mate, calum, already dressed and eating a bowl of lucky charms. ashton had stayed the night at calum's so luke could get their apartment ready for the anniversary. "might wanna go get dressed, mate. don't wanna be late for the big day."

ashton tiredly flipped him off but reached in his bag and grabbed his outfit for the day as he walked to the bathroom. it had been cloudy and a bit chilly recently, so ashton went with a pair of formal black skinny jeans and a red button flannel shirt that may or may not be luke's (the shirt was way too over sized for ashton, so of course it was luke's)

ashton got the nice hot shower running as he stripped out of his clothes. once it was warm enough, he got in and started washing his body. the hot water felt nice on his back, sleeping on a couch isnt very comfortable. he washed and rinsed his hair and turned the water off before reaching for a towel. he dried off his body a little before wrapping it around his waist.

he walked out of the bathroom and went back to where he bag was. he grabbed his razor and walked back to the bathroom but ran into calum's roommate on the way.

"calum!" michael, calum's roommate shouted, "why is it okay for him to walk around naked, but when i do it it's "inappropriate?"

calum walked out of the hallway and sighed, "that's because when you did it, i was having a party and you didnt have a towel on."

"oh god, don't remind me of that horrid day." ashton grimmaced, michael flicking his exposed nipple. "ow, you're mean."

ashton entered the bathroom once again and wiped away at the fogged up mirror. he was a bit scruffy, so he decided to be nice and clean shaven for the date. after he had finished, he splashed on a bit of aftershave and got dressed. he blow dried his hair and styled it how he usually does, he had recently gotten a trim so it wasn't in his eyes anymore. he was nearly done getting ready, he exited the bathroom and sat on the couch to put on his socks and shoes and checked his phone for the time. 

_7:53am_

_*1 new voicemail from 'Lukey♥' at 7:38am*_

ashton unlocked his phone and played the voice message.

_"hey baby, i'm running a few errands to make sure this anniversary is extra special. i love you so much, and i'll see you soon."_

ashton smiled and saved the voicemail. he tied his shoes, put all his items back into his bag, and unplugged his phone. he couldn't wait for today, he was hoping it would be as magical as luke made it sound.

"so what time is lover boy picking you up?" michael asked from behind ashton, biting into a banana.

ashton chuckled at the little nickname for luke, "not sure exactly, he said he's running a few errands and that he'd be here soon."

"or he could be busy with his side hoe," michael snickered, calum walking over and slapping his chest. "ow, my boob."

"don't listen to him, ash. i'm sure luke is probably out getting everything just the way he wants for today. you know him and his perfectionism." 

ashton sighed in relief, calum did have a very good point. he remembers on their first date, luke was stressing out so much to make it amazing, that he ended up having a breakdown, and spent their first date at home all cuddled up watching movies and just relaxing. and ashton couldn't ask for anything better. although the dated didn't go as planned, it was obvious luke had some really deep feelings for ashton, and that's all ashton cared for. 

michael plopped down on the couch next to ashton and set up the xbox, "wanna play?"

ashton shook his head and giggled, "sorry but i don't think i can play any of those gory shooting games before a date."

calum sat down on the other side of michael and began playing with him, ashton just scrolling through his instagram and twitter feed as he waited for his boyfriend to arrive. 

ashton wasn't very good of keeping track of time, so it was a surprise when he looked at the clock and it read 9:03. ashton's eyes widened as he saw how late luke was. he didn't think running a few errands would take over an hour. ashton picked up his phone and called luke, it rang 7 times before it went to voicemail. he tried again and still the same result. 

"uh, m-mike? do you think you can call luke? he's not picking up for me." ashton asked the red head nervously. 

michael pulled out his phone and dialed luke's number, it rang for what seemed like forever and went to his standard voicemail. the green eyed lad furrowed his eyebrows and was about to dial again until calum's phone went off. he checked the notification and saw it was a news report and opened it, his eyes widening as he read. 

"oh fuck," calum hurried over to the tv and switched it from the xbox to cable and put it on the news, the story he read about being shown on tv. 

"cal, what's g-" ashton began to ask but was interrupted by the newscaster. 

_"we are here live from the bank on the corner of 2nd and south alvord way, where about half an hour ago a gruesome terror attack struck. nearly 50 people are dead and 20 badly injured, bodies are hard to identify and most items are destroyed but police and federal agents are doing the best they can to find more information about who the victims are. more information on this tragic scene as it opens up."_

ashton froze. he didn't wanna believe there was a possibility that luke could've been there at the exact time of the attacks, but he couldn't help it. it made so much sense, it's why luke was so late and why he wouldn't answer the phone. ashton's eyes began filling up with tears, calum pulling him in for a hug as he let ashton sob into his chest.

"shhh," calum soothed, stroking ashton's hair in comfort. "hey, hey, nothing has been confirmed yet, he might just be stuck in traffic. no need to assume things and get yourself all upset." 

calum sat him and ash down on the couch, holding ashton in his lap as michael sat down next to them with his head of calum's shoulder and his hand rubbing ashton's back to help calm him down. they sat like that for a while, sitting in silence with only the sound of ashton sniffling occasionally. the boys were interrupted by a phone ringing, ashton's phone. he pulled it out of his pocket and saw an unknown number, he hesitantly answered it.

"h-hello?" he asked, his voice still a bit weak from crying. 

"is this mr. irwin?" a man on the other side of the line asked. 

"yes,"

"hello ashton, i am agent hawkins. i am investigating the terror attack at the local bank this morning. your number was on the emergency contact listen for, uh, mr. luke robert hemmings. we are not positive but we believe luke may be one of the victims, and we are asking if you could come down and help identify the body."

and just like that, ashton fell to the ground, sobbing hysterically.  

\---

**this part was a bit long, the actual chapters probably won't be as long as the introduction, anyways thanks for reading and i hope you enjoy the story. ps. as for ages in the story, here they are**

**ashton: 21**

**luke: 20**

**michael: 20**

**calum: 21**


	2. cold bodies and warm unexpectations

**June 11th, 2017 6:58pm**

  
  


many hours had passed since ashton had received the horrifying phone call, many hours had passed since ashton had almost blacked out, many hours had passed since ashton was nearly positive he had just lost the love of his life. michael and calum tried their best to calm the poor lad down, and at least attempt to make him not as broken as he was at that point. it was truly heartbreaking seeing ashton so sad, considering he was always so happy and energetic. 

 

calum had called back the agent and talked to him and ashton and had arranged for him, michael, and ashton to show up at the morgue at 7pm to help identify if the body was in fact luke’s. ashton was reluctant at first, refusing to want to believe that his luke was dead. after michael and calum had a talk with him, he gave in. it was now 7 o’clock and the three boys had just stepped into the morgue. ashton was a mess, he had tear-stained cheeks to match his glossed over eyes, his curls were unruly and looked the exact same as they did when he first woke up. calum had his arm around ashton’s shoulder and michael was holding his hand, the two wanted to make ashton as comfortable as possible right now.

 

“before we go in, i’m gonna need you to put these on.” agent hawkins gave them each a surgical mask and pair of gloves. they put them on and followed agent hawkins to a room where it was labeled “examination room.” 

 

calum stopped ashton and put both hands on his shoulders, “are you sure you wanna see this, you don’t have to go in there if you don't want to.”

 

ashton nodded, “i’ll be fine. I just.. need to know for myself.”

 

ashton took a deep breath and walked through the door after agent hawkins, michael and calum following behind. hawkins turn on a light and revealed a metal table in the middle of the room, a big white sheet draped over it. 

 

“as you may know, he was in a very gruesome bombing and not all his body parts are attached to him anymore. there are buckets over in the corner in case any of you feel nauseous from the sight.” he explained, placing his hand hesitantly on the white sheet and looking at ashton. ashton nodded and immediately grabbed a hold of calum’s hand. 

 

agent hawkins pulled the white sheet back, revealing the body. ashton winced at first, but he knew he had to do this. calum was calm but had a sad look on his face, and michael was already over by the buckets, almost vomiting at the first glimpse on the decaying body on the table. ashton moved closer to the table, the head was still attached to the body but barely. his left arm was completely disconnected, as was his right foot and a few fingers on his right arm, his privates also unattached. the body had been cleaned and searched of items, but he was still all bruised and scared. as far as ashton could tell, it definitely looked a lot like luke, ashton touched the body, it was cold as ice. he carefully raised up the right arm and there it was: the little birthmark on his inner elbow in the shape that looked liked some weird three eyed monster. ashton remembers always teasing luke about it, and how he even drew over it with pen and gave it a name. 

 

ashton sighed, tears threatening to fall but held them back, “it’s him. it’s m-my luke…” 

 

“i’m terribly sorry for your lost, mr. irwin.” mr hawkins said sadly, then walking over to a plastic bag with a bunch of items in it. “most of mr. hemmings’ belongings were destroyed but few managed to survive, we want you to have them.

 

ashton took the bag and opened it, he took out what looked like luke’s burnt up wallet. he opened it and everything was unidentifiable, his money was burnt to a crisp, license and credit cards melted, all the pictures of him and ashton he had kept in the wallet, gone. ashton set it aside and brought out the next item, luke's favorite chapstick, the container was bit disfigured and the chapstick was a bit melted on the inside, but it was still usable. all the other items had been too burnt to even look at twice, but ashton found something he had never seen before. it was a small velvet box, it looked completely unharmed. 

 

“this doesn’t look familiar, are you sure it was his?” ashton question agent hawkins. 

 

“i’m most sure, we found his body with his hands wrapped tightly around it. obviously he wanted to protect it.”

 

ashton bit his lip and slowly opened the tiny box, find inside of it a ring. ashton gasped and felt sick, he didn't bother holding back the tears anymore and he just let them flow down his cheeks. it all made sense now, luke wanted the anniversary to be perfect because he was going to propose to ashton. 

 

-

 

**I obviously have no self control over how long chapters are, so i guess some chapters will be shorter and some will be long, depends on if there any big parts/if i get some extra details or information i want to add, but here’s is the first chapter and i hope you like it so far. <3**


	3. he puts the fun in funeral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *slight triggering*

**June 14th, 2017**

 

 

  
days went by, the agents and police had informed luke’s family about what happened. ashton called luke’s mother to see how she was doing, but then the conversation ended up with ashton crying even more than mrs. hemmings. yeah, losing a son, especially your youngest, was terrifyingly upsetting. but losing your soul mate, it made it close to impossible for ashton to want to even try anymore, but he did. ashton wanted to be strong from luke, he knew luke would be mad at him if he ever did anything bad like that to himself again.

  
back in high school when they first met, ashton was depressed. he hurt himself, and when luke found out, it wasn’t pretty. luke yelled at him and made ashton cry, then luke started crying, he hated the fact that ashton would do something like that to himself. he hated that ashton though so lowly of himself because luke thought the hazel eyed boy was the most beautiful person he had ever seen. that was the night luke confessed his feelings for ashton, him doing the same for luke, and with the help of luke, ashton promised he would never hurt himself again.

  
that was 5 years ago and he hasn’t hurt himself since then, but right now it’s all he could think about. suddenly he could remember the feeling of the cold blade against his skin, instant relief flowing out of his veins. but ashton is 21 now, an adult. he is much older and wiser and now aware that hurting himself won’t make the pain go away, it only makes it worse.

  
the hemmings family, along with the help of ashton, arranged a funeral for luke. luke was an amazing person when he was still alive, they wanted only the best for his funeral. and that’s what ashton hated, luke was the best person anyone could ask for; he would always tutor the younger kids, volunteer at retirement homes and animal shelters, he just loved helping people. he was such a good fucking person, did he really deserve to die a horrible death like that?

  
ashton twirled the ring around his finger as he sat and waited for the funeral. ever since he found the engagement ring, he hasn’t taken it off. he hasn’t been back to his and luke’s apartment yet so right now, that ring is the only thing of luke’s he has.

  
“hello, dear.” ashton heard a familiar woman's voice say. he looked up and saw mrs. hemmings in a lovely back dress. she was giving him and small smile and he could see how she managed to do that knowing that her youngest child was dead. but ashton faked a smile back and gave her a small side hug. “how are you, love?”

  
ashton shook it off, “i’m fine, mrs. hemmings.”

  
“oh, please ashton, call me liz. or mum, you practically are part of the family, sweetie.” she sat beside him.

  
“yeah, if this didn’t happen then i actually would have been.” he sighed and she looked at him with her eyebrows furrowing in confusion. he held up his hand, showing her the ring. “luke had this in his hands when they found him, he was g-gonna propose.”

  
ashton’s voice broke, tears welling up in his eyes. liz gave him a saddening look and pulled him into a hug. soon enough the ceremony began and the church started filling up with a bunch of family and friends. the pastor went on speaking, telling about how wonderful luke must’ve been and how he is now one of the angels. but no, luke was always an angel. liz went up and said some words about her son, same with ben and jack. mr. hemmings had asked ashton if he could write luke’s eulogy, in which he gladly accepted.

  
once it was ashton’s time to speak, he slowly walked up to the podium and began. “i was at a low point in life when i met luke, i felt trapped in the dark with no way out. when i first laid eyes on luke, i saw light. luke was my savior, he helped me get through a lot of tough obstacles in my life. luke, he was the best person anyone could ask for…”

  
the eulogy went on for about five minutes, there was just so much to say about luke. Ashton felt the need to describe every aspect of him, from his oceanic blue eyes, to the cute little curls his hair gets when it gets too long. ashton didn’t wanna believe that he was gone, he was living in a nightmare that was going on way too long. the ceremony ended shortly after, and everyone exited the church as went to leave. ashton greeted and hugged luke’s family before they left, them telling him that he is welcome to come over at any time. ashton was walking to his car when he heard someone calling his name.

  
“ash!” ashton turned around just in time to catch his younger brother that leaped into his embrace.

  
“hey, buddy.” ashton pulled him in for a tight hug. “i didn’t think mom would bring you here.”

  
“we loved luke too, silly. he was like another brother to me, he would always help me with my homework. i’m so sorry he’s gone, ash.”

  
ashton faintly smiled and ruffled harry’s hair before standing up. “it’s okay, god has plans for everyone and i guess he needed the best angel at the time.”

  
“do you wanna come back to the the house? we can watch movies or play games or anything you like? i miss hanging out with you, i barely get to see you ever since you moved out.”

  
“you know, yeah,sure. i need something to get my mind off all of this happening right now. you want a ride with me?”

  
“yeah! i’ll go tell mum.” harry ran off in search of his mom and came back in mere seconds. “let’s go, ashton!”

  
ashton shook his head and smiled as he watched the energetic 13 year old run to his car and get in the passenger seat. harry was so lovable, it was almost impossible for anyone to not smile around him. _i guess harry puts the fun in funeral._ ashton thought.

-

 

i can't believe this story already has over 100 hits thank you all so much!! 

 

also this is kind of a shorter story so it may only have around 10 chapters 


	4. old friends, new relievers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you read the list of characters for this story, then you would know arzaylea appears in this story (and plays a big part) she's in this chapter and will be in further ones so sorry if you don't necessarily like her :/
> 
> (unedited, sorry if typos)

**June 19th, 2017**

 

  
ashton had spent the next few days at his mother’s house. his old bedroom was turned into a guest room so he slept in there, some of his old clothes were up in the attic, they fit the same. in fact, they were a bit big. ashton hadn't been eating much, not because he was punishing himself, just the thought of food make him sick to his stomach. anne marie, being the worried mother she was, still made him eat up only for it to come right back up.

  
he didn't go completely hungry, his stomach could tolerate fruits and crackers, and he somehow managed to keep down his mom’s famous spaghetti. aside for being sick, he caught up with his siblings. he learned that lauren, his 16 year old sister got a boyfriend and ashton made jokes about how he'll kick his ass if he ever breaks her heart. he had a lot to catch up with harry, harry was only 10 when ashton moved out. he was 13 now and already in high school, which ashton couldn't believe. ashton missed his siblings while he was away at college, the only person he really got to see was luke.

  
god how he missed him. he missed waking up with his legs tangled up in luke’s, he missed the comforting sound of luke’s heartbeat that always put ashton to sleep on his worst insomniatic days, he missed the feel of luke’s scruff rubbing against his face as they kissed. everything just reminded him of luke and it only made ashton miss him more. ashton hadn't gone to the apartment in over a week now, he knew luke had set it up for the anniversary and ashton just wasn't ready to see that. but somehow ashton was on his way to calum and michael’s apartment to ask if they would go with them to the apartment, he didn't think it'd be healthy for him to go alone, god knows what he might do.

  
as he walked down the street in the unusually cold afternoon, he heard a familiar woman’s voice calling for him. he look around and saw arzaylea across the street. she quickly jogged across the street and embraced him with a hug.

  
“hey,” ashton hugged her back, it feeling nice to have somebody hold him again. “when did you get back in australia?”

  
she released from the hug and tucked her hair behind her ear, “i flew out for the funeral. i was gonna say hi but you were with your brother.”

  
ashton nodded and put his hands in his pocket.

  
“so, how ya holding up?”

  
“i really miss him. i’ve been so lonely and out of place.”

  
“i’m so sorry, ashton. i can't even imagine the pain you are going through, but you're strong and i know you can get through this.” she leaned up and gave him a small, friendly kiss on the cheek, hugging him once again after.

  
“thanks arz, it means a lot.” he smiled at her. “i haven't been to mine and luke’s apartment at all yet, i’ve been avoiding it. i was on my way to ask cal and mike if they could come with me but since you're here, would you like to?”

  
“yeah, of course. here, come with me, i’ll drive you.” she grabbed ahold of his hand and hurried across the street to the familiar old beat up truck that she loved so much. they got in and drove off, arzaylea remember when the apartment was.

  
“…so how long are you staying?” ashton asked, breaking the silence.

  
“probably until summer is over in america, so september maybe? who know, I might just full on move here for the hell of it, la’s turn to shit.” she explained as she parked the car on the side of the road next to the apartment. the two got out, closing the truck doors behind them as they walked up the pavement to the home.

  
ashton hesitantly got the keys out of his pocket, staring at them for a bit then looking back at arzaylea. she got the hint and took the keys, putting it through the keyhole and turning it until they heard a click. she slowly opened the door and went inside before ashton. ashton waited outside for a bit, he was too damn nervous to see what was on the other side of the door.

  
arzaylea peeked her head out the door, “it’s okay to come in, ash.” she held out her hand. “i’ll be right here by your side if you feel upset.”

  
he bit his lip and took her hand, cautiously entering the apartment. it looked magical. there were burnt out candles everywhere and rose pedals on the floor leading to their bedroom. song lyrics and poems were taped on the walls, it felt like something out of a movie. ashton started tearing up once again and ran up to his and luke’s bedroom, arzaylea following behind. his viciously gripped the door handle and opened it, revealing the new and improved bedroom. the sheets had been replaced from plain white ones to lovely red velvety ones. on the wall above the bed were numerous photos of him and luke from previous dates and even when they were just starting out as friends. ashton walked over to the wall and let the tears fall, reliving every moment captured in the photos in his mind.

  
arzaylea put her hand on his shoulder, he turned around and fell into her arms sobbing. she sat them down on the bed and held ashton as his continuous cries escaped.

  
“i’m so sorry ashton.” she whispered as she held the sad hazel eyed boy.

  
ashton’s cries lighten up and he sat up wiping his tears and shaking his head, “i should be the one apologizing. you shouldn't have to deal with all of this.”

  
“hey no, it's totally fine. i get that you’re hurting, and it's okay. i just wanna help you feel better, I really mis luke too, but spending your life crying over him isn't good. he wouldn't want you to do that, would he?”

  
ashton shook his head and played with his fingers as he looked down in his lap.

  
arzaylea lifted up his head with her index finger so their eyes met. “of course not. you need to be strong for him, ash. he would only want what's best for you. i’ll be back, i’m gonna give you a few minutes alone.”

  
she walked out into the balcony, shutting the door behind her. she was right, luke would hate to see the pain that ashton was in right now, he wouldn't want ashton to mope around all day until he wasn't strong enough to keep going. he would want ashton healthy and happy, find another lover so he wasn't alone. but ashton didn't want anyone else, he and luke were meant to be together, ashton was sure of it. maybe fate made a mistake? ashton didn't know, after what's happened, he doesn't believe in fate anymore. but he does believe in luke, and he wants what luke’s think is good for him, even if it meant trying to forget all about him. ashton sighed and stood up, wiping away any remaining tears. he walked to the balcony and opened a door, finding arzaylea looking out in the distance as she smoked a cigarette.

  
without thinking, ashton asked, “do you have a spare?”

  
arzaylea looked wide eyed at him. ashton wasn't the one to smoke, he wasn't the one to do anything of that matter. then again, neither were many people who had also lost loved ones. she just nodded and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter and handed it to him.

  
“you know how to light it?”

  
“yeah,” he nodded, putting the cigarette in his mouth and lit it, taking a long puff of it before speaking again. “seen calum do it plenty of times.”

  
she nodded and took his hand, rubbing her thumb over the back of it. “hey, everything's gonna be alright, okay?”

  
ashton nodded and took another puff of the cigarette, even though he didn't believe it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the chapters being weird, this website makes the introduction part a chapter so this is actually chapter three sorry if you were confused 
> 
> anyways, hope you enjoy this story so far and please leave some feedback, id love to hear what you think of the story :)


	5. what other type of shit could we smoke?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: drug use in this chapter

**June 27th, 2017**

 

  
it had been around a week since ashton first asked arzaylea to stay with him. luke died a little over two weeks ago and ashton still couldn't stand being alone. after his first smoke, he started smoking a few of them a day. breathing in the nicotine brought so much relief to him every time he felt sad about luke. smoking was his new release. it was getting closer to night time and ashton was sitting on the balcony watching the stars form as he smokes his 4th cigarette of the day. the sun wore out as did his cigarette and he thought for a second before he lifted his sleeve and put it out on his arm. he flinched but loved it, it felt like the same warmness that luke gave him every time their bodies were pressed against each other's.

  
ashton flicked his cigarette off the balcony and rolled down his sleeve. he had just hurt himself again, but he didn't care. after all, that wasn't the problem, he had only promised luke he wouldn't _cut_ himself. but this wasn't cutting, was it even considered self harm? ashton didn't think so, he thought of it as comfort almost. ashton sighed and walked back into the house, shutting and locking the balcony doors behind him. he laid down on his bed and breathed in. the bed still had luke’s scent, and ashton craved it.

  
he wasn't in such a good mood right now. he missed luke bad. arzaylea wasn't at the apartment at the moment and he hadn't talked to michael or calum in a while. they would only make this worse, he thought. calum could always see right through him, he would instantly know ashton was smoking and would yell at him. ashton didn't need a lecture right now, he needed luke. he got off the bed and opened the closet. he looked through it for a bit until he found what he was looking for. hanging in the very back of the closet, there it was, luke’s favorite shirt. it was a black sleeveless shirt with the words ‘you complete me’ printed in white on it. ashton remembers when he first saw Luke wear it, at first he didn't notice the two small s’s making the shirt read ‘you complete mess.’ luke hadn't worn it since he was 19, he grew too big for it and hung it in the back of his closet for safekeeping. he told ashton he could wear it if he ever wanted to, but ashton never did. and he felt bad, luke always wanted to see how ashton would look in it but he never got the chance to. ashton lifted the shirt he was currently wearing over his body and took it off, revealing his smaller than usual stomach.

  
ashton always has a small body build, he never gained much weight, but now he was smaller than ever. he hasn't weighed himself but he knew he had to be close to 120. he just never felt like eating recently, every time he looks at food he thinks of luke and it makes him sick. arzaylea didn't say much about his eating habits, he's 21 and she felt she didn't have a say in his life choices. sometimes she would hint that he should take better care of himself, but he would always just get all pissy and leave the room.

  
ashton walked downstairs with his phone in hand, he dialed luke’s number. luke had a special voicemail set that would play only when ashton called, he had been calling it a lot recently, it felt like luke was still here and he was just talking to him over the phone.

  
“hello my beautiful baby boy, sorry I can't come to the phone right now, i must be super busy if I don't answer to you. but, aha, leave me a message so I can hear your voice again as soon as possible, I love you.”

  
ashton stopped walking as heard there was someone in the kitchen, he wiped away the tears rolling down his cheeks and went to see what it's was. he proceeded into the kitchen and arzaylea was sitting at the kitchen table, multiple bags filled with different sorts of drugs.

  
“ya know,” arzaylea took a hit from her joint. “I think the most I missed about australia was the drugs. you guys have the best shit around. you want a hit?”

  
ashton didn't say anything, he just walked over and took the joint from her hand. he took a big puff and coughed a bit, not used to so much smoke. once he could tolerate it, he took another hit before passing it back to arzaylea. his eyes turned red as he slouched down on a chair, he felt calm. well, technically, he didn't really feel anything. he wasn't happy, nor sad, and not a hint of pain in his chest. he was nearly forgetting all about luke.

  
“you like that?” arzaylea asked, she wasn't as high as him, she was used to it and learn how to control her actions while high.

  
ashton nodded, hunching forward and rested his head on his hand. “i feel great.”

  
“are you ready to try some of this?” arzaylea held up a small zipper bag filled with stuff that looked like the sugar on powdered donuts. it was cocaine. ashton nodded eagerly, arzaylea already pouring some into the table. she took out a razor blade and divided the coke into 4 equally sized lines, then taking two twenty dollar bills. she rolled one up to where it was as a straw. she plugged in side of her nose with her finger as she held the dollar bill to her other nostril and snorted up one of the lines, demonstrating for ashton how to do it. ashton picked up quickly and went to do one for himself. sober ashton was aware that drugs weren't good for you. unbroken ashton knew that snorting coke could kill you on the first try. but sober and unbroken ashton also knew that drugs make you forget things, and right now he wanted to forget luke.

  
ashton snorted up a line of cocaine as if he were an expert, a burning sensation spread amongst his nose but he loved it. his high was getting stronger and he couldn't even remember what luke even looked like. he was too doped up from all the pot and coke that he couldn't tell the difference from reality and la la land. but he didn't care, all he knew was that he didn't feel that hole that luke’s death left in his heart anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't believe how much I know about drugs tbh, i legit didn't have to search anything up lmao. pls comment what you think of the story so far, hearing your feedback would be great so thanks if you do :)


	6. promise not to tell calum?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *heavy drug use in this chapter*
> 
> otherwise, enjoy.

**june 30th, 2017**

 

  
just as ashton had suspected, the drugs didn't last. one hour he was high as a kite and the next he was crying over luke again. arzaylea had introduced him to other drugs such as crack, heroin, and molly. ashton’s favorite had been heroin. he wasn't very fond of needles but the feeling of it piercing his skin and everything flowing out into his veins was so damn relaxing. it had begun to get warmer but ashton still wore long sleeves to hide the cigarette burns and injection marks. ashton hadn't seen michael or calum in weeks, they didn't even know that arzaylea was back in town, so it was a surprise to see her answering ashton’s door when michael finally went over to see if he was alright.

  
“hey, as — arzaylea?” michael’s eyes widened as he stared at the bottle blonde in from of him. “when did you get back to australia? and why are you at ashton’s place.”

  
“I came back for the funeral,” arzaylea let michael in and closed the door behind him. “and i’ve been staying with ashton for over a week, he didn't want to be alone.”

  
“where is he? is he alright?” michael sounded like a worried mother.

  
“he's fine, and I don't know, might be in his bedroom.”

  
michael quickly jogged upstairs and quietly opened ashton’s door, revealing the curly haired lad in a peaceful slumber. michael walked over and sat next to him in the bed, stroking the dirty blonde’s hair. ashton’s eyes fluttered open, and he smiled as he saw michael.

  
“hello, blueberry.” ashton reached up and booped michael’s nose. “last time I saw you, you were a cherry.”

  
michael couldn't help but chuckle a bit at the silly remark, but then furrowed his eyebrows considering ashton never acted so loopy like this. “are you alright, bud?”

  
“mhm,” ashton nodded and sat up, leaning his head on michaels shoulder as he hugged him. “i’m just a bit tired.”

  
michael held the loopy lad and then pulled back. “ashton, look at me.” michael held ashton’s face still as they stared into each other's eyes.

  
“your eyes are so green, like a tree. oh! remember when your hair was green? it reminded me of green apple cotton candy.”

  
michael shocked his head and put his hand over ashton’s mouth to get him to shut up. “ash, how high are you?”

  
“i’m 6 feet.”

  
“i — no, I mean, have you been smoking marijuana?”

  
ashton nodded and fell back down on the bed, “a little, i guess. it’s wearing off now..”

  
michael was dumbstruck, not only he couldn't believe ashton had turned to drugs, but he knew arzaylea was giving it to him.

  
“what the fuck were you thinking?” michael yelled, causing ashton to flinch. it was very rarely that michael ever raised his voice when he was mad. “do you even care what you're doing to your body? ashton, c’mere.”

  
michael grabbed onto ashton’s arm and pulled him up, causing him to wince. michael’s eyes widened as he saw the reaction and pull up ashton’s sleeves, revealing all the cigarette burns and injection scars.

  
“what the fuck? ashton, why the hell would you ever put drugs into your system? do you have any idea what they can do to you?”

  
“yes, i do.” ashton pulled his sleeves back down as the high wore off and he slipped back into reality. “i am almost 22 years old, i am a grown ass man who is able to make his own fucking choices. and yes, i’m aware that drugs are bad, but maybe i just don't care. i have been in pain and agony this past month, i lost the love of my life and it fucking hurts. i keep thinking about him and it just makes me more and more upset and just not wanting to even be alive anymore. when i’m high, i forget all about luke, i’m no longer in pain and, fuck, i can barely remember what he looks like most of the time. i bet you would do the same if you lost calum..”

  
michael didn't know what to say, he could see where ashton was coming from. “i.. ashton, calum’s just a friend, luke was your soulmate. i get that it hurts thinking about him, and i’m sorry. you're right, you can make your own decisions but maybe they aren't the best ones.” michael sighed, sitting down next to ashton. “i won't fight you on this, I can't. but I want you to know that it isn't good. ash, drugs could kill you. i understand you're upset about luke, we are too, but we’d be even more upset if we lost you as well.”

  
ashton started tearing up again, it seems he hasn't gone a day without crying ever since the incident. “i’m sorry, mikey. i just fucking miss him so much. he’s everywhere, in my thoughts, in my dreams. and i just… i don't know what to do.”

  
michael pulled ashton into his lap when he started full on sobbing, stroking his dirty blonde curls as he tried to get him to calm down. “shh, it's okay, ash. i’m here, i’m right here. it’s gonna be okay.” michael lifted up ashton’s face, wiping his tears away before whispering, “ _you’re_ gonna be okay.” softly kissing his forehead afterwards.

  
ashton nodded and sniffled, resting his head on michael’s chest. he didn't really believe him, michael wasn't even sure if he believed himself. but in that moment, the two boys cuddled up together, they finally had hope.

  
“ash, one thing?” michael asked, ashton lightly hummed in response. “calum can't know about this.”

  
both boys knew calum had a bit of a temper, and he might just explode if he found out ashton was taking hardcore drugs.

  
ashton nodded and sighed, “i’m way ahead of you.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ya know, I mainly just bullshit these chapters. I think of what I'm gonna write along the way and I don't really edit so I am very sorry for mistakes. 
> 
> but please please please comment what you think of the story so far, I really want to hear some feedback :)


	7. what he doesn't know won't kill him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nsfw content in this chapter, read at your own risk

**july 3rd, 2017**

  
as the days went by, michael and ashton grew closer and closer. arzaylea was still living with ashton, but michael would come over almost daily to keep ashton company while she was at her job. at first it started off subtle, occasional forehead kisses and cuddles for comfort. then somehow it got more heated, sleeping in the same bed together, rough makeout sessions, and sometimes even blow jobs. michael and ashton weren’t in love with each other, of course not, they were just lonely. ashton was still sulking over luke, and michael.. well, michael was in love with calum. ever since the first day of grade 2 when they met, michael just couldn't stop thinking of the beautiful brown eyed boy. no one ever noticed, but michael was constantly filled with anger, over the years he learned to control it. but with ashton, he could let it all out.

“ugh!” michael burst threw the front door of ashton’s apartment and threw himself on the couch next to ashton. “he’s so goddamn oblivious!”

ashton repositioned himself and placed Michael's head in his lap, stroking his faded blue hair. “i don't see why you don't just tell him how you feel. then again, he would be here comforting you instead of me.”

“believe me, ash, i wanna tell him. i wanna scream in his pretty little face how much i love him, i wanna kiss his perfect pink lips until they turn red, i want him to fuck me so hard that i can't shit for a week.”

“hm, you sound needy. you want some, baby?” ashton said, seducing the frustrated green eyed boy. the blonde nibbled a bit on his ear before whispering, “you wanna use the cuffs?”

michael looked up and glared at him, smirking instantly. “you kinky little bitch,” he picked the smaller boy up bridal style and eagerly ran upstairs, throwing him on the bed as he unbuckled his pants. ashton slipped down his sweatpants and reached inside his underwear, bringing out his already hard cock. michael pinned ashton's hands against the bedpost as he planted hard kisses on the smaller boy’s collarbones, ashton whining with pleasure. the blue haired lad grabbed paused the kissing to grab the cuffs and secure them tightly around ashton’s wrists and round the bedpost. michael remained kissing as his hands moved down to the curly haired boy’s throbbing penis. he spit on his hand and started pumping up and down, ashton loving every second of it. michael kissed down his chest until he reached ashton’s manhood, giving it small kitten licks until he suddenly stopped.

the sweaty blonde boy pouted, michael holding his face in one hand as he shook his head, “not that, iwanted to try something different today. is that okay, babe?”

ashton nodded, being too fluster to say anything. michael climbed off of ashton and positioned the boy’s legs more comfortably for what he was about to do. michael stuck a finger in ashton’s hole, the boy wincing but he loved it. and michael knew he loved it, that's why he didn't ask if ashton was ready before inserting another finger and started scissoring the hole.

“f-fuck, mike!” ashton cried out.

michael spanked the boy’s bare buttocks, “you know i don't like you using such vulgar words..”

ashton but his lip as he stared into michael’s green eyes, giving him a sign to continue. without warning, michael stuck three fingers inside the blonde and he screamed, but he couldn't help but love it. the feeling of someone inside him just released him from all his pain and agony. michael knew what he was doing, despite not really have having sex before he was with Ashton, he just watched a lot of porn. michael was good, really good. but luke would always be better. luke knew all about ashton’s kinks and how to pleasure him properly, he knew stuff ashton would never even bother telling michael. being too busy thinking about luke, ashton didn't notice but michael had already stuck his whole hand inside of him by now, wrist deep.

ashton whined again, loving everything that was happening. “o-oh, luke.”

michael froze. he released his hand from the hazel eyed boy’s anus as he glared at him. “luke? are you fucking serious? you can't stop thinking about him for one goddamn hour while i help you with your fucking urges?”

“mikey, i—” ashton struggled to sit up straight since he was still cuffed to the bed.

“save it. fuck you, cunt!” michael pulled his underwear back up and grabbed his clothes, walking out the bedroom door and slamming it on the way.

ashton started to tear up, something he hasn't done in a while since michael started helping him. he was so conflicted, half of him wanted to apologize to michael and the other half wanted to scream in his face about how he would feel if he had just lost his soulmate. ashton know what to do, he didn't know what he _could_ do. he was stuck to the bed, naked, and emotional. and so he just stayed like that, nearly drowning in his own tears as we waited for arzaylea to get home to untied him and hook him up with his favorite heroin. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been a while since I update and I'm sorry for that, just been busy with school and art and the holidays and keeping up with 5sos but here was a smutty chapter to keep yall content, story is slowly coming to an ending btw I already have it planned out and make sure to watch out for future fanfics I might post !!


	8. it's okay, i deserved it

July 6th, 2017

  
ashton hadn’t seen michael since that day where he left him tied to the bed. michael was scared to see him, if he was being honest. despite ashton being shorter than his friends with a pretty small build and innocent looking features, he got scary when he was mad. ashton isn’t the type to get mad easily, but when he is, it’s not pretty; he would throw things and start screaming at everyone in sight, and it all ends up the same with him crying and curling up in a ball. michael was still texting ashton though, at least ashton couldn't rip his head off through a phone. ashton never responded, he would read them and just close his phone without a response, and that worried michael.

michael didn't want to at first, but he had no choice but to go see ashton for himself to see if he was okay. the now bleach blonde knocked on the front door of the apartment, patiently waiting for someone to answer. he heard shuffling on the other side of the wall and the door slowly creaked open, revealing a tired looking and red eyed ashton. he reeked of cannabis and looked like he hadn't brushed his hair in days. he was much thinner than last time michael had seen him.

michael flinched a bit before speaking, not knowing how ashton would react to him being there. “i-i know you probably don—”

ashton lunged at michael, embracing him in a well needed hug. michael hugged back, mentally sighing and thanking god that ashton wasn't mad. ashton didn't have the strength to be mad, he didn't care what michael did, he just needed him right now. tears ran down ashton’s face, a few sniffles following. the green eyed boy kissed the top of his head and twirled a finger around ashton’s curls.

“it's okay ash, i’m here.” michael said softly, he carefully pulled out from the hug and wiped away ashton’s tears with the pad of his thumb. “babe, i'm so sorry I left you like that the other day. it was so idiotic of m—”

ashton shook his head and wiped away the rest of his tears himself, “n-no, it's fine. it was my fault, I deserved it.”

“ash, no. i know you didn't mean to call me luke, i shouldn't've overreacted. you don't deserve anything bad like that and i'm sorry…”

the curly haired boy just nodded, not knowing what to say. michael carefully grabbed his hand, ashton flinching a little. “is it okay if i…?” michael looked down to ashton's sleeves, wanting to check his arms for injection pricks. he shyly nodded again as michael pulled up his sleeves, revealing his bruised and prickled arms.

michael let in a breath of air, “l-let's just go inside.” he walked in and sat down on the couch, ashton following and closing the door behind him. michael patted the seat next to him as ashton walked over, he sat a bit away from him but only to lay his head in the bleach blonde boy’s lap. michael ran his fingers through ashton's hair as he stared into ashton’s breathtaking hazel eyes, ashton staring back into his magnificent green ones. and they stayed like that, staring and admiring each other in the complete silence, nothing but the calming sounds of their breathing and hearts beating.

ashton was close to falling asleep when michael spoke and woke him up, “hey sleepyhead? tomorrow is your birthday, ya know?”

ashton sighed, “i-i know. it'll be my first birthday without Luke in 5 years. god, I can't… can’t believe it. i don't even remember what my birthdays were like before i met him.”

“wanna find out?” michael spoke up, ashton slowing sitting up and widening his eyes. “i mean, we should do something tomorrow. like, go out to a bar, have some drinks. i talked to mitchy and he’s flying in for your birthday, doesn't that sound like fun?”

“i… i don't know, mike. i just, i’m still not over him, I don't know if I ever fully will be. i just feel like it'll be too much for me to handle.”

“that's why you drink away your pain. c’mon ash, it's been forever since we actually went out and had fun together. drink enough to forget him for one night just to finally have the fun you deserve.” michael tried his best to persuade the smaller boy.

ashton thought for a second, “maybe you're right, i’ll think about it. but right now, i just want to sleep.”

ashton pouted and rubbed his eyes. michael chuckled and carefully picked up the boy bridal style, ashton laying his head against his chest as Michael carried him upstairs. ashton fell asleep in michael’s arm, and for once, he thought everything would be okay. _thought_.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi wow it's been forever since I updated but school and shit has been hard, grades have been slipping and yeah. this story is coming to an end soon :(


	9. discontinuing story

I know there aren't really any people who read this but I decided to post this anyway. I will not be continuing this story. There are many reasons as to why I will not be continuing; lost of interest, don't like the plot, etc. But there is one main reason. As you all know of the Manchester bombing that happened not even a few weeks ago. After hearing about that and seeing the damage it has done, physically and emotionally, I just don't think I can write this story anymore. I don't live anywhere near Manchester, or live in the U.K. at all but it really did make me feel so terrible, and it would only make me more terrible if I continue to write such a story about a bombing. I hope you all understand. I will continue to write if I have the time, I've changed my username and have some plans for future stories. But this will be the end of this story. Thanks to anyone who was interested in this story, please look out for some of my future stories coming soon. ❤️


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